The drive home was a blur. I tried to review all that the doctor had said. He had weaved together so magically the variables of what I was to come to embrace over the coming years.
I took the handheld phone and went into the garage. I had to call her father. It wasn’t a discussion I ever imagined I’d be having, let alone talking about our five year old. The last one we shared. The one I wanted to give to and to share with. At the time I had no idea how much I’d receive. I just new that my emotions were raw.
My husband could not waylay my concerns. I felt vulnerable. Out of control. Helpless. I did not, however, feel hopeless. It was clear to me that I would have to resolve any unknowns as I traversed the unknown landscape. At the very least, I knew I was a bit cantankerous and a bit stubborn. These skills will now (finally) come in handy!
I dialed the number. It was always an unknown if he’d even answer. He picked up.
“Hello…” he cheerily answered.
“Hi. I’m calling about X. We took her to the doctor today. The appointment I talked to you about?”
“Uh huh….” he happily responded.
And at that point the tears welled in my eyes. I could barely stammer out the details of the appointment.
After a pause, he responded. “Well, it’s not the end of the world,” he posited. “She’s smart,” he said hopefully. His voice betrayed his true feelings. It was so much to take in.
That night the specialist gave us a call. He wanted to check in with mom (me) to make sure I was “okay” with the diagnosis. I lied. I said I was fine. I thought I was being tough.
I was soup.
That was seven years ago. It was a long time ago, now. And after all this time, I feel more settled into our routines, our goals, and our hopes and dreams. I pray every night that my daughter’s body would come into alignment with God’s word and that as she grows she’ll become all that she was created to be. She sits right at a good place in the lineup of children, which provides and has provided support and models that has had a profound effect on her…on us.
After all, when you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.