Does anyone ever think long and hard about children? Of course they do! I am especially familiar with this through my time at the reproductive endocrinology clinic. Some of the clients are so desperate for a child, and it’s heartbreaking the process that is undertaken for this privilege. More on that in another post.
Because I was married so young, I really didn’t think “long and hard” or maybe not even “hard.” I just thought as a child that I would have children. I imagined I’d have a dozen! Upon telling that to my father, he laughed. He sat down and asked, with a smirk he was holding back,”Don’t you think that a dozen children is a bit much?” Gee, I hadn’t thought about it like that. Frankly, I was a dozen steps removed from reality at that point. I hadn’t even had a dozen dollies at once!
Nonetheless I was undeterred. So, I went down by degrees. “Ten” I’d say, and he’s chuckle. “Okay, 8.” Boy, I really needed to learn to count by 1’s. Again, a chuckle. “Fine, 6.” He’d retort to that until I finally lamented with a firm, “I will have 4 children. Period.” He could only ask one question.
“Are you sure?”
Yes, I thought. Yes, I’m sure. Now, Upon marrying, I didn’t think children would happen right away, but I wasn’t doing anything to stop it. After a few months, I thought that there might be something wrong, but wasn’t confident enough to be adamant or even worried. I was simply concerned.
I made an appointment with the medical group’s reproductive specialist. When I met with him, he started me at square one. He, too, chuckled, and said that there probably wasn’t anything to worry about. However, I came to him so he gave me the standard protocol. Keep a record for three months, then come back. Man, what a drag!
What a reflection of my youth, right? I wanted an instant result, with a quick discovery of anything that could hinder getting pregnant. Some things in life can take a very lengthy stroll, methodically choosing to take the scenic route before arrival. This was true in my case. However, I guess I was given two reprieves. Perhaps it was during a turn out for a photo opportunity.
I didn’t even have time to really discuss becoming parents with my spouse, or thoughts on parenting, or even if it was a good time. Nothing was discussed. I guess this should have been a sign of things to come, or of character, or a flaw…but how do people who are barely adults even know to consider those things? (Hint: with proper guidance, that’s how…).
In some respects I know I’ve tried to share some life lessons with my children. However, now that I’m experiencing the rebuff of youth, I realize that there is a high likelihood that if anyone was trying to counsel me against having children right away at such a young age, I didn’t even acknowledge it; and if they weren’t, I probably wouldn’t have accepted the advice.
In fact, one hallmark of my youth was that I knew better for me than anyone else did, even if that meant I was wrong. Because as I already mentioned in my last post, others can know us from a perspective of wisdom and experience in ways that we don’t yet know ourselves. And so, this was the beginning of my journey toward motherhood.